My Reading Biography (edna)

So i went to the NIE library yesterday with every intention of spending my two hour break doing up this reading biography, but i ran into a friend and we started talking and it ended up being a two hour conversation/semi-monologue about issues of gender, feminism, linguistic biases, and (for some reason) The Great Gatsby.

In some way, i think it was a fairly accurate representation of my reading habits now -- i love reading texts about women; i love talking about reading; i have grown to be extra sensitive to language and biases (particularly of the gendered kind) in texts, which may or may not be a good thing because sometimes i can hear disgruntled male voices in my own head growling "angry, nitpicking feminist"; and i do have a special place in my heart for Gatsby, which was my A level text, but more importantly was the book that really kickstarted my love for language and reading.

As a kid, i enjoyed books about adventure, so i used to love the abridged illustrated versions of classics like White Fang (Jack London), The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood (Howard Pyle), Moby Dick (Herman Meville), Sherlock Holmes (Arthur Conan Doyle), and the like.

Of course, i did go through the phase of being completely obsessed with the Harry Potter (J.K. Rowling) series (not too sure i'm out of it yet); that was when i could quote chunks of it by heart, and the release of every next installment was the highlight of my life, and i wanted nothing more than to play Quidditch.

But my favourite childhood series is probably Tamora Pierce's The Song of the Lioness Quartet, which is a fantasy series of four books about a girl, Alanna, who swaps places with her twin brother and hides her gender to train to become a knight. It had everything i loved and more -- magic, adventure, a medieval fantasy setting, talking cats, and, on hindsight, it was probably the awakening of my interest in gender performativity.

actual passage from Alanna that uncannily sums up NIE life 

Emma Thompson as Beatrice in the 1993 film. what's not to like?

From secondary school to JC, however, i lapsed into the stage of not reading anything beyond what i had to read for school, but i did fall in love with Shakespeare in Sec 4 when we read Much Ado About Nothing for the O levels. It was my first ever Shakespeare text (and funnily, or shamefully, enough remained the only Shakespeare play i actually consider to have properly read), but it confirmed my love for literature, and i still consider Beatrice one of my role models in life for dealing with men.


Then came Gatsby, the other novel that had a profound influence on how i viewed reading, writing, language, and literature. Before i even read the novel, one of my JC teacher used to rave about how Gatsby was one of those novels where the writer "does not waste a single word" (Ol' Sayers, 2008). He talked about the novel like i'd never heard anyone talk about a single book before, and when i read it i could see why. It must have been through Gatsby that i began to understand the joy of reading into the nuances of language, and to see how magical words could be. I used to think i was a good writer simply because i had a good grammatical grasp of the language and i could write a convincing essay. But studying Gatsby made me think about books in terms of more than just plot, characters, and themes, and it made me re-evaluate the value of language in writing. It think was with this and the encouragement of a teacher that i started to read more widely with the intention of being a better writer.



Then, NUS happened. Studying lit in uni meant reading a lot of stuff very very very very quickly, which meant that i could not afford the luxury of reading a text as closely as i did Gatsby or Much Ado, and i think it really took a lot of the romance out of reading for me. We were reading far too much critical theory as well, which was the world's most frustrating thing to do. i'm no stranger to crying while reading a good book, but reading post-colonial theory must have been the first time i had ever cried in frustration while reading because i did not understand a single thing.

It got to the point where justifying my love for reading and literature actually became a real struggle, and, long story short, by the end of year 2, i did not want to touch a single book, not even for leisure.

That was when i met my literature teacher from JC and talked about it before my student exchange semester, and her advice was, "Just keep reading. Read as much as you possibly can, read all kinds of rubbish if you have to, until you realise you like it again."

That exchange, i read the first three chapters of Twilight, and i stopped complaining about having to read George Eliot.

Exchange semester was also the first time i had a formal academic introduction to issues of gender and feminism, and suddenly, a lot of my world started to make sense, and it really was a moment of enlightenment where theory was concerned. Before this i always saw the world of critical theory and the world of the novel as so different from each other, but through learning about gender, i began to see how an understanding of theory as a framework for understanding a text could actually enrich a reading experience. (Can't believe it took me that long, i know.)

With that, honours year was the most wonderful year of my reading life. i did a module on 20th Century women writers, and had a reintroduction to Virginia Woolf in Mrs Dalloway. My only other encounter with Woolf was before during my mid-major/reading life crisis, when i read To The Lighthouse and swore i would never go near another Woolf text again. But Mrs Dalloway turned out to be less of a nightmare than i thought it would be, maybe because i was less of a naive reader than i was before when i read Lighthouse, and i was loath to admit that i actually started to like Woolf.

Not that i could keep up that denial for long, because my final sem of NUS was thesis sem...and i ended up writing a thesis about gender and identity in Woolf's Orlando and Jeanette Winterson's (whose works i unabashedly adore) Written on the Body. As far as personal literary experiences go, i don't think i've done anything more meaningful than the whole process of writing that thesis. It was one of those things where you feel like you've put a part of your soul into its creation (a bit like a Horcrux, actually, given it was also pretty painful at times). It made me think and read and write and learn so much in one semester, and it was the first time i genuinely understood what "education is a privilege" meant. i have now become one of those people who has grown to become especially and annoyingly attached to her honours thesis texts, but with, in my humble opinion, very good reason.



Sadly, i know the reality of having less and less time to read, but i know i'll definitely do my best to keep reading as an essential part of my life. It probably goes without saying (here in a lit class of all places) that we can never read enough, which i find to be especially true when i look at my bookshelf and see the number of unread titles i have sitting there waiting for me. It's the (un)fortunate habit i have of wanting to read everything, and buying every book that looks interesting and never finding the time to really read them, but i do really want to read everything. And my personal rule is i will try everything at least once, even "bad" stuff like Twilight and Nicholas Sparks so that i can legitimately chuck them into the NEVER TO READ AGAIN section with good reason. And i always welcome recommendations, even if my bookshelves (and bank account) look like they are ready to collapse thanks to the growing number of unread books.

But i suppose more books can only ever be a good thing.

side note: i'm one of those terrible lit majors who's never had an interest in Jane Austen, and have never read Pride and Prejudice, not even the abridged version as a kid. i've read Mansfield Park for uni, which didn't help at all, but i suppose i should pick up P&P...someday.